Catharsis

Home is the final frontier of youth. One day the child that filled the house with joy decides the walls are too close and goes out into the great wide yonder… And promptly realizes that he had no idea that this shit is hard.

When I was a kid I never gave much thought to what went onto running a household. I lived in a magical fairy land where there was always food in the fridge, clean dishes to eat from, and clean clothes to wear. I did household chores here and there, thinking that I was making a significant contribution to the family, and I felt justified in being too tired to do dishes after a particularly strenuous soccer practice, or just a bad day. When I moved out, my illusions shattered like the priceless china doll your neighbour’s two-year-old played crash test dummies with. I somehow did not anticipate that the chores I didn’t do would not get done. I also discover the sheer amount of money that is required every month to keep that fridge full.

I am currently in that ambiguous state of independence known as “being a student.” Attending school full time has prevented me from working so I have been surviving on savings and student loans. It is amazing to me that after eight months of living on my own, I still don’t feel independent. Is it really just because my lack of income means I am still being supported by others? The driving need for independence spurs me on as I stalk that elusive beast, the summer job, and the gnawing sense of insecurity builds as my money quickly dwindles, and I feel the oozing stress accumulate the longer I go without.

My choice of school made moving out a bigger step than some. I decided I’d had enough of the prairies and moved to Toronto, 2000 miles from home. Removing the safety net of familial proximity meant that I was committed. I couldn’t just go home if I ran into difficulty. The thing about jumping in the deep end is that you learn to swim. When you take away the possibility of escape, you have no choice but to stand up and overcome the challenge. So far I have managed to put most of the pieces of my new life together. All I need to do is get the glue to pay the bills.

An avid student in the school of life, I always try to learn too many things at once. In an attempt to clear my mind and solidify what I know, I started this blog. I will be posting ruminations, explorations, and creations as I integrate myself into Toronto’s urban jungle. The blog will cover theatre, music, coding, web design, city living, leaving home, and perhaps a little poetry.

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